Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
