well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
vagina is talking i cant
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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