I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize