Cold hands, warm shart.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize