its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
false alarm, still single
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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