I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I wish you could order shots online.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
