i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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