Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
