Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
