Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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