We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize