Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
