i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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