You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
