So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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