The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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