I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I am one with the molecules
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
