The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
