So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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