cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize