dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
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She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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