Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
