do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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