I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
