My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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