It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
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there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
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No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.