im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you will always have a special place in my vag
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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