I would do horrible things to your vagina.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...