is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
