I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
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I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
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Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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