3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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