i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
