I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
