pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
