Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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