so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The Olympian is in my bed
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
