she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
