you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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