I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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