Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
