plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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