Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
