I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
