I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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