I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
and you said cock pushups were impossible
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Ladies don't puke and tell
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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