I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We have started to decorate penises.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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