this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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