I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
