I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
