I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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