His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
