You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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