Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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