i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
