New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
