Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
