I accidentally had phone sex last night
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
