Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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