the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just googled if crying burns calories
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
