Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
she peed on how many people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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